The Lord who sees: Gen 22:14; Adonai sees all and knows our needs intimately
Adonai Yir'eh is the name that Abraham gave the LORD when a ram was provided as substitute for his son Isaac on the alter. This name carries with it a sense of the LORD as not only seeing the universal plan, but also knowing the details of the desires of our hearts on a very personal level.
As I was reading the various names of God, "Adonai Yir'eh" was spoken to my heart. It is as if the LORD said to me "this is who I Am, this is who I Have Been and who I will continue To Be" It is difficult for me to believe this reality. I know in my head the the LORD cares about the details, but it is difficult for me to trust and live in that promise.
As I look over the last few months I see the LORDS provision for me in incredible ways! For example, He has blessed me with a new house that is more than I asked for! There were certain things I was looking for in a house and He provided above and beyond what I expected! There is an amazing flower garden, a baby pergola and a little garden nook! I could continue the list, but suffice it to say that my spirit is incredibly blessed by these details.
This fall, as I walked in uncertainty about my future, I felt as if I was in the wilderness. Much as the Israelites were in the wilderness after their redemption from Egypt, I was in a wilderness of uncertainty and angst about the future. The first three months of their journey to the promised land was a time when they learned that the LORD was Adonai Yir'eh. He provided manna, water and victory over their enemies in miraculous ways. It was AFTER they had gone through these months of wilderness and needed to trust daily in the LORD for every aspect of their existence the he brought them to Mt Sinai. It was here that the LORD said "Now therefore if you obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession out of all the peoples. Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly and holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to the Israelites." Ex 19:6
I ask myself if the Israelites would have been ready for this promise if the LORD had said this right after the Red Sea crossing. I can only think not. They learned so many lessons in the wilderness that prepared them for this next step in their relationship with YHWH. A similar theme is seen when the psalmist says "it is good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn your statues." (Ps 119:71). I have to agree. The time in the wilderness shows me I can not PLAN well enough nor DO well enough on my own. It is the loneliness and alone-ness that causes me to seek the LORD. As I am humbled and the LORD daily provides my needs, I am prepared for the next level of obedience and deeper dependence on Adonai Yir'eh.
I look forward to where the LORD will take me in these next few months and years. I am moving to a new town, starting a medical practice and have bought a new house! At times I am overwhelmed with the enormity of the change but am continually reminded that the LORD is Adonai Yir'eh-he will take care of all my needs down to the smallest detail!
Blessed art thou, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, for keeping us alive, taking care of us and bringing us to this time. Blessed art thou, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, who provides for me all of my needs. -May the blessings you have given me bring You Glory and Honor.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Heartbreak
I love what I do. I am privileged to take care of patients through all stages of their lives. No where is this more rewarding than obstetrics. I met a little baby last week. She was only 7 weeks old by ultrasound measurements but she had a heartbeat and I could see her jump and move as I watched her on the screen. Her mom was young and wanted to talk about "options". We talked about adoption verses keeping the baby. I gave mom a picture of her heartbeat. When I asked, Mom said she wanted to keep her, that she knew it would be tough but that she had a decent support system. Mom made an appointment with me to get started with her OB care.
Mom had an abortion last week.
My heart breaks for the little life that doesn't get to be. No one mourned her passing. No one chose to give her a chance to live. I knew her Mom was at high risk to make this Choice and I spent more time with her than I had, hoping, praying to make a difference. Ultimately it was Mom's Choice to make. I know that it is not easy to be pregnant, that delivery is painful but...it is nine months of inconvenience for a chance to LIVE.
And now, Mom alone is my patient. She has pain after the procedure and they told her to follow up with me. I asked Why she made that Choice. I had to know. The answer was simply that the pregnancy was an inconvenience- she didn't WANT to be pregnant right now.
I need and truly want to show her love, but do not know how. There is no remorse, there is no understanding of what she has done. There is just inconvenience because now she has pain. So I will treat her pain and any complications and will trust Christ to love her through me.
And I will be the only one who weeps for the life that was lost.
Mom had an abortion last week.
My heart breaks for the little life that doesn't get to be. No one mourned her passing. No one chose to give her a chance to live. I knew her Mom was at high risk to make this Choice and I spent more time with her than I had, hoping, praying to make a difference. Ultimately it was Mom's Choice to make. I know that it is not easy to be pregnant, that delivery is painful but...it is nine months of inconvenience for a chance to LIVE.
And now, Mom alone is my patient. She has pain after the procedure and they told her to follow up with me. I asked Why she made that Choice. I had to know. The answer was simply that the pregnancy was an inconvenience- she didn't WANT to be pregnant right now.
I need and truly want to show her love, but do not know how. There is no remorse, there is no understanding of what she has done. There is just inconvenience because now she has pain. So I will treat her pain and any complications and will trust Christ to love her through me.
And I will be the only one who weeps for the life that was lost.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Waiting
Isaiah 30: 185-21
"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the HOLY ONE of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said 'No, we will flee on horses!' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses!' Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.'
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the LORD gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"
The last weeks and months have been times of seeking the Lord for direction. I was overwhelmed by options and no clear sense of which direction to pursue. I would spend time praying, but did not receive freedom to move in any direction. I was frustrated and struggled to wait patiently. I wanted to make a decision, to move in some direction-any direction! I returned many times to the above passage. I realized that I was stuck in the first part, wanting to come to a solution on my own, in my own timing. To choose rest and trust was difficult. I was challenged by those more wise than I to rest in the process; to seek the LORD and let the seeking be enough.
A few weeks ago I was at a medical mission conference. I was able to spend more time praying and spending time with the LORD. I still remember where I was standing when the Lord very clearly give me a vision for the next few years, guidance in where to find a practice and connections for future mission work! Praise the LORD for answered prayer! I was actually talking to a missionary at the time. It wasn't anything profound that he was saying or any new information that I learned, simply the power of the Holy Spirit! "...Whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" I am humbled that in the middle of my struggle to trust, the Lord has shown himself faithful-as he has so many times in the past! To him be all honor and glory!
I continue to learn that in repentance and rest is my salvation and in quietness and trust is my strength. As I look back on the days and nights of frustration and the angst related to next steps, I see that I continue to be drawn into deeper relationship with Christ. And THIS is what I choose; to know Christ, considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him. How can I choose otherwise?
Praise you LORD for your faithfulness! May the path that you take me on be a testament to your greatness and character. "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." (Ex 33:13)
"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the HOLY ONE of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said 'No, we will flee on horses!' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses!' Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.'
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the LORD gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"
The last weeks and months have been times of seeking the Lord for direction. I was overwhelmed by options and no clear sense of which direction to pursue. I would spend time praying, but did not receive freedom to move in any direction. I was frustrated and struggled to wait patiently. I wanted to make a decision, to move in some direction-any direction! I returned many times to the above passage. I realized that I was stuck in the first part, wanting to come to a solution on my own, in my own timing. To choose rest and trust was difficult. I was challenged by those more wise than I to rest in the process; to seek the LORD and let the seeking be enough.
A few weeks ago I was at a medical mission conference. I was able to spend more time praying and spending time with the LORD. I still remember where I was standing when the Lord very clearly give me a vision for the next few years, guidance in where to find a practice and connections for future mission work! Praise the LORD for answered prayer! I was actually talking to a missionary at the time. It wasn't anything profound that he was saying or any new information that I learned, simply the power of the Holy Spirit! "...Whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" I am humbled that in the middle of my struggle to trust, the Lord has shown himself faithful-as he has so many times in the past! To him be all honor and glory!
I continue to learn that in repentance and rest is my salvation and in quietness and trust is my strength. As I look back on the days and nights of frustration and the angst related to next steps, I see that I continue to be drawn into deeper relationship with Christ. And THIS is what I choose; to know Christ, considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him. How can I choose otherwise?
Praise you LORD for your faithfulness! May the path that you take me on be a testament to your greatness and character. "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." (Ex 33:13)
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