Source of Joy

A Day of Sorrow

2009-07-30T14:35:00.002-05:00

Today is the Jewish holiday Tishah B'Av. It is a day of Fasting and remembrance of the destruction of the two temples. The first Temple was destroyed in 586 BC to be rebuilt 7 years later, the second Temple was destroyed 70 AD and has yet to be rebuilt. This article explains the context: (read the article for 7.28.09)

http://www.hebrew4christians.com/About_HFC/Site_News/site_news.html

Why do I write about this? Because we are instructed to pray for the peace of Jerusalem, because Israel is the LORD's chosen people and because the restoration of the Temple is associated with the return of Jesus! This day is not just a day to remember the destruction, but also to pray for and anticipate His return! May we turn our hearts toward the LORD and seek his face. May his return be swift and in our day!

Remember, O Lord what has befallen us; look and see our disgrace! Our inheritance has been turned over to strangers, our homes to aliens. We have become orphans, fatherless; our mothers are like widows, We must pay for water we drink; the wood we get must be bought. with a yoke on our necks we are hard driven; we are weary, we are given no rest. We have made a pact with Egypt and Assyria, to get enough bread. Our ancestors sinned; they are no more, and we bear their iniquities. Slaves rule over us; there is no one to deliver us from their hand. We get our bread at the peril of our lives, because of the sword in the wilderness. Our skin is black as an oven from the scorching heat of famine. Women are raped in Zion, virgins in the towns of Judah. Princes are hung up by their hands; no respect is shown to the elders. Young men are compelled to grind, and boys stagger under loads of wood. The old men have left the city gate, the young men their music. The joy of our hearts has ceased; our dancing has been turned into mourning. the crown has fallen from our head; woe to us, for we have sinned! because of these things our eyes have grown dim: because of Mount Zion, which lies desolate; jackals prowl over it. But you O LORD reign forever, you throne endures to all generations. Why have you forgotten us completely? Why have you forsaken us these many days? Restore us to yourself, O Lord, that we may be restored; renew our days as of old-unless you have utterly rejected us and are angry with us beyond measure. Lamentations chapter 5

Adonai Yir'eh

2009-05-27T22:12:00.002-05:00

The Lord who sees: Gen 22:14; Adonai sees all and knows our needs intimately

Adonai Yir'eh is the name that Abraham gave the LORD when a ram was provided as substitute for his son Isaac on the alter. This name carries with it a sense of the LORD as not only seeing the universal plan, but also knowing the details of the desires of our hearts on a very personal level.

As I was reading the various names of God, "Adonai Yir'eh" was spoken to my heart. It is as if the LORD said to me "this is who I Am, this is who I Have Been and who I will continue To Be" It is difficult for me to believe this reality. I know in my head the the LORD cares about the details, but it is difficult for me to trust and live in that promise.

As I look over the last few months I see the LORDS provision for me in incredible ways! For example, He has blessed me with a new house that is more than I asked for! There were certain things I was looking for in a house and He provided above and beyond what I expected! There is an amazing flower garden, a baby pergola and a little garden nook! I could continue the list, but suffice it to say that my spirit is incredibly blessed by these details.

This fall, as I walked in uncertainty about my future, I felt as if I was in the wilderness. Much as the Israelites were in the wilderness after their redemption from Egypt, I was in a wilderness of uncertainty and angst about the future. The first three months of their journey to the promised land was a time when they learned that the LORD was Adonai Yir'eh. He provided manna, water and victory over their enemies in miraculous ways. It was AFTER they had gone through these months of wilderness and needed to trust daily in the LORD for every aspect of their existence the he brought them to Mt Sinai. It was here that the LORD said "Now therefore if you obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession out of all the peoples. Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly and holy nation. These are the words that you shall speak to the Israelites." Ex 19:6

I ask myself if the Israelites would have been ready for this promise if the LORD had said this right after the Red Sea crossing. I can only think not. They learned so many lessons in the wilderness that prepared them for this next step in their relationship with YHWH. A similar theme is seen when the psalmist says "it is good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn your statues." (Ps 119:71). I have to agree. The time in the wilderness shows me I can not PLAN well enough nor DO well enough on my own. It is the loneliness and alone-ness that causes me to seek the LORD. As I am humbled and the LORD daily provides my needs, I am prepared for the next level of obedience and deeper dependence on Adonai Yir'eh.

I look forward to where the LORD will take me in these next few months and years. I am moving to a new town, starting a medical practice and have bought a new house! At times I am overwhelmed with the enormity of the change but am continually reminded that the LORD is Adonai Yir'eh-he will take care of all my needs down to the smallest detail!

Blessed art thou, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, for keeping us alive, taking care of us and bringing us to this time. Blessed art thou, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, who provides for me all of my needs. -May the blessings you have given me bring You Glory and Honor.

Heartbreak

2009-05-05T21:31:00.002-05:00

I love what I do. I am privileged to take care of patients through all stages of their lives. No where is this more rewarding than obstetrics. I met a little baby last week. She was only 7 weeks old by ultrasound measurements but she had a heartbeat and I could see her jump and move as I watched her on the screen. Her mom was young and wanted to talk about "options". We talked about adoption verses keeping the baby. I gave mom a picture of her heartbeat. When I asked, Mom said she wanted to keep her, that she knew it would be tough but that she had a decent support system. Mom made an appointment with me to get started with her OB care.

Mom had an abortion last week.

My heart breaks for the little life that doesn't get to be. No one mourned her passing. No one chose to give her a chance to live. I knew her Mom was at high risk to make this Choice and I spent more time with her than I had, hoping, praying to make a difference. Ultimately it was Mom's Choice to make. I know that it is not easy to be pregnant, that delivery is painful but...it is nine months of inconvenience for a chance to LIVE.

And now, Mom alone is my patient. She has pain after the procedure and they told her to follow up with me. I asked Why she made that Choice. I had to know. The answer was simply that the pregnancy was an inconvenience- she didn't WANT to be pregnant right now.

I need and truly want to show her love, but do not know how. There is no remorse, there is no understanding of what she has done. There is just inconvenience because now she has pain. So I will treat her pain and any complications and will trust Christ to love her through me.

And I will be the only one who weeps for the life that was lost.

Waiting

2008-11-30T16:52:00.004-06:00

Isaiah 30: 185-21
"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the HOLY ONE of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said 'No, we will flee on horses!' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses!' Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill.'

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the LORD gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"

The last weeks and months have been times of seeking the Lord for direction. I was overwhelmed by options and no clear sense of which direction to pursue. I would spend time praying, but did not receive freedom to move in any direction. I was frustrated and struggled to wait patiently. I wanted to make a decision, to move in some direction-any direction! I returned many times to the above passage. I realized that I was stuck in the first part, wanting to come to a solution on my own, in my own timing. To choose rest and trust was difficult. I was challenged by those more wise than I to rest in the process; to seek the LORD and let the seeking be enough.

A few weeks ago I was at a medical mission conference. I was able to spend more time praying and spending time with the LORD. I still remember where I was standing when the Lord very clearly give me a vision for the next few years, guidance in where to find a practice and connections for future mission work! Praise the LORD for answered prayer! I was actually talking to a missionary at the time. It wasn't anything profound that he was saying or any new information that I learned, simply the power of the Holy Spirit! "...Whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" I am humbled that in the middle of my struggle to trust, the Lord has shown himself faithful-as he has so many times in the past! To him be all honor and glory!

I continue to learn that in repentance and rest is my salvation and in quietness and trust is my strength. As I look back on the days and nights of frustration and the angst related to next steps, I see that I continue to be drawn into deeper relationship with Christ. And THIS is what I choose; to know Christ, considering everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Him. How can I choose otherwise?

Praise you LORD for your faithfulness! May the path that you take me on be a testament to your greatness and character. "If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." (Ex 33:13)

Really?

2008-09-15T22:15:00.003-05:00

I have been raised in The Church and my experience tells me that outreach is an Event. Through out high school I went to outreach events where we brought friends, a speaker told them about Jesus and we were encouraged to "follow up". I was challenged to share my faith, but it was easier to let a speaker do it! Even now I immediately think of alter calls and large gatherings of Christians when I think of "outreach".

Luke 10:1-12 is the story of the sending of the 72. This is one of the first times where they did "outreach" on their own. Jesus is sending 72 disciples out like "lambs among wolves" to tell an unbelieving people that the Kingdom of God is near. His instructions include "don't take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road." Really Jesus? I can imagine the disciples just looking at him. They must have been thinking "Why would I NOT take these things with me!?" I would venture a guess that the other Rabbis of Jesus' day did not tell their disciples to leave the food, water and money at home! This was a huge step outside of their comfort zone. This was uncharted territory.

Relationship was also key to their mission. They were not to hold large gatherings and baptize people with water like John the Baptist's disciples. They are told to go to one house and stay there- to be in relationship. Their words are to be accompanied by action. They were meeting the needs of people as an expression of love and authority. This was not simply preaching, this was investing a part of themselves in the people they were with.

Mathew 10:7-10 summarizes their task;
" As you go, preach this message:'the kingdom of heaven is near. 'Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.'"

Speaking the Message of Truth.
Meeting the physical needs of people.
Extreme trust in the provision of the Lord.
Really?

I am not to organize an event to entertain and amuse my friends.
I am not to recruit the most eloquent speaker to share their testimony.
I am not to depend on extensive budgets and plans.

I am to tell them that the Kingdom of God is near
I am supposed to live among the sick and the hungry.
I am to feed them and heal them.
I am supposed to trust in the provision of the Lord
.
Somehow I don't think that this will be convenient.

The Church has become comfortable with her Programs and Outreach Events. We have allowed ourselves to be smothered under apathy and religiosity. We defer Truth to be spoken by pastors and speakers. We clutch our gold, silver and extra tunics and we stay with the other sheep. We have forgotten the poor, the sick and the hungry. They are in the uncomfortable places. They are with the wolves.

Lord forgive your Church for being content and apathetic. May your Holy Spirit bring a new understanding of who You are. May we weep your tears as we feed the hungry and heal the sick. May we speak Truth with your boldness and authority as we walk among the wolves. May we hear and respond to your call to intimacy and passion. Work great things in our day that You would be glorified. Hear our prayer and listen to our cry for mercy...

Faithfulness

2008-09-06T15:33:00.002-05:00

It is easy to miss God's faithfulness in the busyness of life. I was reminded in a very profound way this summer of where God has taken me and given a new hope for the future.

In high school my friend Jessica and I would meet weekly at a coffee shop and talk about God, our dreams for the future, how our devotions were going etc. Over the four years of High school we led worship team together, did Jr high bible studies, went to youth retreats and in general had a blast. Commonly we would talk about going to the mission field, maybe being married, me being a doctor, and wondered what countries we would go to and what languages we would learn. We had amazing dreams for where God would take us.

Jessica and her husband are now missionaries overseas. They teach bible and music and have a great time! It was fun to see God bring a man into her life with giftings and passions that complement hers so well! This summer they came back home because they were going to have a baby...and wanted me to be their doctor! I was so excited and privileged to be taking care of them and their unborn son.

The delivery was so fun! I was the first one to "meet" their first born son and to hand him to his excited (and tired!) parents. After the delivery was over I was able to pray a blessing over him. Wow. 10 years ago we could have never imagined such a scenario! God has fulfilled so many of our dreams and brought us to some amazing places.

It is easy for me to get discouraged by the never ending business of my life. It is hard to imagine life outside of residency. This delivery was a profound reminder that God IS Faithful! I have so many dreams that seem impossible, but really, the reality that God has for me is so rich that I am sure to look back in 10 years and be amazed at where God has taken me.

The Death

2008-03-21T19:13:00.002-05:00

I saw Christ die today. I followed the soldiers and saw the beating. I heard the cries of Mary mingled with the shouts of the people.

The catholic church in my neighborhood walked the road to Golgotha tonight. The teenager who was chosen to portray Christ carried a cross, he was beaten with ropes and mocked by soldiers. The cross was made of wood and heavy. The whips were rope, but the soldiers who used them were not afraid of skin. The crowd that followed sang "Perdona su pueblo Senor, Perdona su pueblo perdona le Senor". (Forgive your people Lord, Forgive your people, forgive her Oh Lord).

He was placed on a cross with two others beside him, one who mocked and one who begged forgiveness. Above his head was "INIRI" or "King of the Jews". Mary wept with the other women and the disciples followed at a distance. There were varying degrees of concern and attention among the crowd, much the same as two thousand years ago.

It was powerful in its liturgy. The discrepancy between acting and the reality of Whips, Pain, and all that was Suffered by Christ became invisible as I caught a glimpse of Golgotha.

The Blood was real.
It is Given freely.
The Suffering was real.
It was Chosen.

It was the Choice to be obedient unto death, that the forgiveness of sins for all people might become a reality.

May I never forget the Reality of the Cross. May I not take lightly my Salvation. May I not be an unconcerned bystander when the Blood of Christ is given and his Body broken.

"With a loud cry Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, heard his cry and saw how he died, he said,'Surely this man was the Son of God.'" Mark 15:37-39

On Assignment

2008-03-03T21:22:00.002-06:00

I became a part of Community last night. There was no subtle transition, no getting my feet wet. It was simply a plunge. Full submersion. A myriad of kids speaking as many languages were running/ tricycling through out the house. Adults were sharing a meal and again, speaking various languages. I missed the sermon, but it had been translated from English to Swahili. Unaelewa kiswahili? Welcome to our house church!

I am living with a family that has 6 kids, one puppy and one dog. After work I read Dr. Seuss to a 3 year old and took turns reading Nancy Drew aloud with a 9 year old. (the classic Nancy Drew, in front of a fireplace listening to the rain!) We were host to a group of college "kids" tonight who are working in the neighborhood for the next week. Along with chocolate chip cookies and milk they were learning about my host family...ie why a white doc and his family would live in the hood of Memphis. Why does he work in a clinic that serves his neighbors for a fraction of the salary he would make elsewhere? Fascinating really!

I started talking to recruiters last week. We talked about salaries, bonuses, opportunities to do scopes, c-sections and vacations. We did not talk about Christ, Community or Service. As I listened to the vision of the community tonight I had to ask myself- Am I serious about living in community or is it something that is more convenient to talk about rather than do? What do I want my practice to provide-a cush salary or training in how to die to self and serve the poor?.

I am tired. It was a busy weekend and I am emotionally and spiritually drained. I would like nothing more than to curl up with a book and lose myself in the pages. Yet, I think this is when true community happens. It is when Self is exhausted and I can either break down and cry or cry out to Christ for the peace and strength to continue. I might still break down, but I pray that the spirit of anxiety, busyness and self would be gone. I pray that self would die (often a painful process!) and I would become more Christ like. May I learn more than medicine this month.

Living Hope

2008-02-10T18:39:00.000-06:00

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. I Peter 1:3-9

The past few weeks have been difficult. Friends suffered heartache, I felt the acuity of my loneliness and work was emotionally draining. I was reading favorite passages and came upon verse 6 "In this you greatly rejoice...though you suffer trials of many kinds". Why is it so hard for me to rejoice during a difficult week? What allows us to rejoice in the midst of sadness and stress? What is the "IN THIS" that Peter is referring to?

Looking back a few verses I find answers. The first few verses of this passage are rich with reasons to rejoice.
God has great mercy! We do not get the punishment that our sins deserve!
New Birth is a result of his great mercy-not only are we not punished, but the record is wiped clean and we are given a new identity, a new way of interacting with the world!
Living Hope is a part of our new birth. Not only do we get a fresh start as Christ followers, we have a continued relationship, continual hope that is validated by the resurrection of Christ!
Eternal Inheritance is the second result of our new birth. It is an eternity of security and belonging. It is something that cannot be destroyed.
We are shielded by God's power until salvation is complete. God's power protecting us. WOW.
This is the source of our rejoicing. This is the TRUTH that transcends suffering.

My trials are small. I am blessed beyond belief and still I find it hard to rejoice. In the same way that fire purifies gold, trials have the purpose of proving our faith and bringing praise, glory and honor to God. I am ashamed that I can not rejoice when I have merely the smallest embers in my life.

In the past few weeks there has been much dissatisfaction. I was bemoaning singleness, my married friend was feeling like a stranger among friends and others are longing for children. While it is natural for us to want husbands, children etc, how much of our dissatisfaction is the enemy preying on our desires? As we label these circumstances "trials" how do we choose to rejoice? Do we choose to rejoice or just do we commiserate with each other and feed our dissatisfactions and longings?

I WANT Inexpressible Joy! I want to know Christ and rejoice in the reality of his provision for me! I do not know how to do this. Can I acknowledge the reality of loneliness and at the same time rejoice in God's provision for me? I am not sure exactly what that looks like.

Holy Spirit, May I be ever aware of your presence this week as I live in my world seeking to rejoice and bring honor to your name. May I rejoice instead of wallowing, may I praise instead of complaining. YOU are GOD. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you. You alone are worthy of praise!

The Pattern

2008-01-20T14:54:00.000-06:00

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer you bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We were challenged in church today regarding this, the pattern of this world. How often do we conform to this worldly pattern? What is the Normal Christian Life? How does the Normal christian life compare to the Typical christian life? How has our society infiltrated the church. Perhaps better asked, How has the church embraced society?

I look at my typical christian life and see very much the pattern of my world. How many times do we discuss the newest American Idol, quote Clinton and Stacey regarding fashion or use retail therapy to de-stress after a long day? How often do we discuss scripture, quote Christ regarding our struggles or pray together to de-stress after a long day? The scale is not tipped in the right direction.

I do not want this life. I want the Normal Christian life. In "The Overcoming Life" Watchman Nee defines the normal Christian life as the following.
"The Bible shows us that God has ordained for every Christian a life that is filled with joy. This life is completely at peace, has no barriers in its fellowship with God, and is not contrary to His will in any way. The life that God has prepared for a Christian is one that does not thirst after the world. It walks apart from sin and is victorious over sin. It is holy, powerful, and victorious. It knows the will of God and fellowships with God without interruption. This is the life that God has ordained in the Scripture for a Christian."

My culture tells me that I must look a certain way, have a certain boyfriend, achieve certain things in order to have identity, meaning, purpose and community. After a while, the lies start to sink in and I find myself wanting. It is subtle the affect the world has on my relationship with Christ. Truth is the antidote to lies. My spirit struggles to believe what my head knows to be truth.

Romans 8:1-8
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful man is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law , nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sin full nature cannot please God.

May I be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. May my life reflect what is normal for a Christ follower, not merely what is typical. May the World see in me something different, something that will lead them to Christ. For Christ alone can give us an identity that will never change, meaning in a meaningless world, purpose to know Him and a sense of community. I pray that my city will come to see the inadequacy of the band aides and come to know Christ. Kick us out of our comfort zones Lord that you might be glorified.

A Day

2008-01-18T23:25:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I have had a day. Not good, not bad, just a day. Somewhat spiritually draining to be honest. I worked with a psychiatrist this morning (ie MD who does mental health) and a chaplain for Visiting Nurses Hospice program (ie medical care for terminal ill) in the afternoon.

This am was the typical medical perspective on life. Treat the disorder with medicine and have someone else do the counseling. Spiritual issues weren't addressed. I talked to a patient with schizophrenia. He is doing quite well- the voices sound like a low radio in the background and the three people that he sees regularly haven't been too bothersome lately. He knows that if "The Man Who Wants a Gun" gets a gun he (The MAN) will hurt him with it. He has been known to have out of body experiences in the past. As the psychiatrist said, "If I didn't know better I would say he was possessed." And I wondered. It is not politically correct to be "possessed" in the United States. I can not address and issue that does not exist.

The chaplain I worked with does not know Jesus, but she has all the right words. She embraces sin, but acts as a liaison between dying people and God. She assures people that they will go to heaven, that their husband is waiting for them, that they are going home. She quotes the 23rd Psalm and John 3:16. And my spirit cries because she does not know truth. It is not politically correct to tell someone that they might not go to heaven if they die. She sees something in me that is different. I am "interesting". She said I have a "vocation" and prayed for a husband that would complement that. I'm not really sure what to do with that!

And my spirit is drained. I long to speak truth and healing but have been stifled today. Oh Lord, hear my prayer and listen to my cry for mercy. In your righteousness and faithfulness come to my relief. Ps 143... May I have words, boldness and opportunity to speak your truth and healing. May their hearts be willing to hear what you would speak to them.

Ninaitwa Kenya

2008-01-16T22:44:00.000-06:00

The BBC news is my window to the world here in the middle of the US. Typically the headlines are interesting in a non-personal way. In contrast, the events in Kenya in the past few weeks are strangely personal. At times it seems like last week when I was eating chapatis and attempting Swahili, but in reality it was 2 1/2 years. The two short months I lived in Kenya were significant in my development as a doctor, as a Christ follower and as a person. I remember asking my friends, both Kikuyu and Luo, how the different tribes interacted. The general consensus was that "our" generation saw beyond the tribal distinctions. The conflict was behind them, limited to their parents opinions of who they should marry.

I have read some of the blogs by "our" generation in Kenya and I see that they too are dismayed at the actions their peers have taken. What is it that drives people to attack their friends, their neighbors, their colleagues over ethnic identity? This is a question that can not be easily answered. I am quick to say that I can not understand the division. Americans do not speak of Irish, German, English descent as anything more than interesting trivia. Yet, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the stereotypes and discrimination faced by minorities in my country. The disarray and crimes in after hurricane Katrina should warn us that we, as Americans, are not above violence and tragedy in the face of chaos. And I find it is easier to understand.

My city was recently hit by tragedy. 8 people were killed by a suicidal young man. As tragic as it was, it pales in comparison to the violence in Kenya. I think of the people I met, the friends I made and I wonder how they are. Tragedies can be impersonal, particularly when the struggle is on the other side of the globe. This conflict is uniquely personal for me. I ache for my friends, for the country that was so good to me, for the future of a country with so much promise. May the Lord redeem the pain and suffering of Kenya's people, may the violence end as suddenly as it began. May the conflicts of history not be repeated and may forgiveness conquer revenge

(My name is Kenya)

In those days Ceasar Agustus...

2007-12-25T22:40:00.000-06:00

This year I have been thinking about Mary and what it must have been like to travel to Bethlehem and deliver Jesus in a stable. I have taken care of many ladies who are "with child" over the past few years. As I have heard their aches and pains and traveled through the 9 months with them, it has changed the way I read the story of Christ's birth.

At about 8 months, give or take a few weeks, most ladies hit the "tired of being pregnant stage". They are willing to do about anything to have the baby. I am not sure that includes riding a donkey. Mary must have been quite large and probably not comfortable in any position, much less traveling on a donkey.

The stable is not a place I would choose to deliver (granted, Mary didn't choose it either!). Besides the obvious reasons, there was no family, no doctor, no midwife- only a husband. Now, most of the husbands I have seen are about worthless for helping during a delivery. They are lucky if they can cut the umbilical cord without passing out! Did Joseph have any idea about what was happening? Also important to note is that there were no epidurals. NO epidurals?! That means Mary was in a LOT of pain and Joseph could do nothing. What did he do? How did he comfort his hurting wife?

Today we treat delivery as a sterile procedure (which, really it isn't). We use gowns and gloves. We have plastic drapes and when it is all over, the mess disappears in a second. I am sure Mary did her best to be clean, but it must have been a challenge. What did she do? Was the straw clean? I wonder how the smell affected her? How long was her labor?

And Jesus. He is the KING of the universe. He created the WORLD. And he came into this earth as a baby. Not a cute, clean, wrapped in swaddling clothes post card, but a naked, goo covered, wrinkly baby. Did he cry right away? Did he have a cone head? Who cut the cord?

I did a delivery last week and was reminded of the helplessness of the infant. God himself come to the world he created in the most dependant, fully human way that he could. He CHOSE to be born in a stable. He chose to be covered in goo, wrinkly and red...for me!

I read the Story different now. I see Mary's agony and feel Joseph's ache to help her. I hold my breath as Jesus is born, waiting for him to cry. And I am amazed. Again. That the love of God is so big that he would send his SON to earth to die. To die for MY sins that I might be considered clean and be in relationship with God. Thank you Jesus. Christmas is Good.

I am...

2007-12-01T21:58:00.000-06:00

"I am because we are. We are because I am. "

The Body of Christ is defined by its relationships. We have relationship with God, with other believers and with the world. At times these relationships are not all that they could be. As Americans, we are notoriously bad about relationship. We live in a culture of "I". Our motto is "I think therefore I am". We are defined only by ourselves, our accomplishments and our individual characteristics. We define ourselves without placing value on our community, family or history. We value self independence above relationship with others.

Over the past few weeks I have been challenged in this area by several different people, in several different venues. It seems that God is speaking. As We, the American Church, seek to live as Christ Followers and desire to impact our worlds, we must redefine ourselves. An African proverb defines self as the following. "I am because we are. We are because I am." In their world, it is impossible to define ones self outside of the context of community, family or history. A person is not an individual, rather a link in an intricately connected world. This perspective is missing from the Church. We are not individuals who happen to meet at the same time, at the same place every Sunday. We are, rather, a network of believers designed to live life together. We are designed to share joys and sorrows, to encourage and correct one another. I do not know how to live this life.

I have seen the loneliness that comes from individualism in my neighborhood. The desire to "belong", to be a part of a community drives young women to sleep around, searching for validation in a man. It leads bright, straight "A" students to gang life and the consequences of crime. It keeps women in abusive relationships, hoping against all evidence that "this time will be different".

We must learn to live in community. Our nation is crying out for hope. Our friends are crying out for a sense of belonging. We, the Body of Christ, must become that hope. We must become that belonging. It will not be easy. It involves giving up self and serving when no one notices. It means being available when it is not convenient. It means being a friend to those who society deems unworthy.

This is the example of Christ. He came from the glories of Heaven as a squalling infant to the indignity of a stable, a place fit only for animals. He lived among the marginalized and ate at the house of sinners. He paid the ultimate, painful, price for our selfish sins on the Cross. He died the death of a thief and conquered death that we might have Relationship with God. Yahweh. The King. Jehovah. This is the Ultimate Relationship.

Christmas is the season we celebrate the Birth of Christ and the beginning of what is the most amazing relationship in history. Unfortunately, it is a season that is commercialized and it is a season that caters to self gratification. My prayer this year is that we remember that relationship is more important than self. That no matter how independent we are, We Are because of our family, our community and our history. Because We Are, we have the ability to impact our communities and bring the healing relationship of Christ to a world that is so desperately searching. It is not a task that is possible alone. It is only by living in community, as the body of Christ, that He can do amazing things through us.

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus My Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Stay in Babylon

2007-09-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

Again I find myself in Jeremiah. The Lord is Faithful to speak through his Word.

Jeremiah 42:1-43:7

The remnant of Judah was afraid. They had just been attacked and murdered. They were afraid of war, famine and persecution. They were going to escape Babylon and find sanctuary in Egypt. After they started their journey, they came to where Jeremiah was. They stopped to inquire of the Lord what he would have them do. They spoke to Jeremiah and said. "Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the LORD our God." (42:6) 10 days later the Word came to Jeremiah.

"This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, to whom you sent me to present your petition , says: 'If you stay in this land, I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not uproot you, for I am grieved over the disaster I have inflicted on you. Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you now fear. Do not be afraid of him, declares the LORD, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands. I will show you compassion so that he will have compassion on you and restore you to your land.' "'However, if you say, 'we will not stay in this land,' and so disobey the LORD your God, and if you say, 'No we will go and live in Egypt, where we will not see war or hear the trumpet or be hungry for bread,' then hear the word of the LORD, O remnant of Judah. This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: 'If you are determined to go to Egypt and you do go to settle there, then the sword you fear will overtake you there and the famine you dread will follow you into Egypt, and there you will die. Indeed , all who are determined to go to Egypt to settle there will die by the sword, famine and plague; not one of them will survive or escape the disaster I will bring on them.'""

This is a powerful promise. The people have to choose between obedience and continuing in the plans they have made. They must choose between faith and what seems to be the most logical. They accuse Jeremiah of lying and continue to Egypt. It is easy to read this passage and judge them for choosing to follow the plans they have started, to choose logic over faith. Yet how often do we start a project then ask the Lord to bless it? How often do we weigh the options and choose what is most logical?

I am in Babylon. I try to find a way to Egypt, looking, planning, and dreaming of a greener pasture. Yet, the things I fear: loneliness, singleness and being too comfortable, I will not escape in Egypt. The Lord alone can satisfy me. He alone will provide for all of my needs. Oh Lord, forgive your daughter for seeking to leave Babylon. My heart is untrusting, KNOWING yet struggling to BELIEVE the promises are true. You have shown me your heart for the world and I long to go, yet I remain here. In Babylon. May I learn to trust your provision, your timing. My King, lead your daughter in the way that you would have me to go. I will stay in Babylon and seek your face. Hear the cries of my heart and be my provision. For you alone are God. Lead your stumbling daughter in the way you would have me to go, for I am your servant. I WILL STAY IN BABYLON.

For I know the Plans I have for You...

2007-07-21T15:54:00.000-05:00

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘ plans to prosper you and not to harm you,, plans to give you hop and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile. ‘”

This is a famous passage among Christians. It is often used at graduations and times of life change claiming that the LORD has Good in store for those who follow him. It is not a promise that should be used casually.

This passage is taken from a letter from Jeremiah the prophet in a time when the people of Judah and Israel were exiled in Babylon under King Nebuchadnezzar. In chapter 27 Jeremiah prophesized that it was the will of the LORD that Judah would serve Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar was in fact a servant of the LORD. This was a part of the Plan the LORD had for them. I can not imagine that the people who were in exile felt that exile was a part of prosperity from the LORD. They were a foreign people in a foreign, PAGAN land. They were the Chosen people of YAHWEH- how could HE allow this? 70 years in exile is a long time. Yet they were not merely to endure but to live life in the fullest. In Jeremiah 29: 4-7 the exiles were told “build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

This was a part of the promise given to those who seek the LORD with all their hearts. The “good” did not necessarily fit their definition. Yet, the LORD was faithful and the trials and difficulty of living in a foreign land were, very purposefully, a part of his plan for their life. When we claim this promise we often think of “good” as plenty of money, no problems, a good job etc. It is a “good” defined by our culture. We would be wise to see that his plan is often not ours, that his good may be defined differently than ours. We may absolutely trust that he loves us and has a plan for us, but at the same time, it may not be a comfortable good. Even more important to understand is that this is the promise given to those who sought the LORD with ALL their hearts. To those who did NOT turn their hearts fully to the LORD was a far more chilling promise.

Jeremiah 9 17-23, “yes, this is what the LORD Almighty says- ‘I will send the sword, famine and plague against them and I will make them like poor figs that are so bad they cannot be eaten. I will pursue them with the sword, famine and plague and make them abhorrent to all the kingdoms of the earth and an object of cursing and horror, of scorn and reproach, among all the nations where I drive them, for they have not listened to my words,’ declares the LORD, ‘ words that I sent to them again and again by my servants the prophets. And you exiles have not listened either,‘ declares the LORD. “

These are not the words of a God who believes all faiths are equal-there is ONE true God and He is a Jealous God. These are not the words of a God who turns a blind eye to sin- this is a Righteous, All Seeing God. This is not a God who punishes unjustly for Sin, but a Just God who hates sin yet at the same time has made a way for the redemption of those who seek him whole heartedly.

Do I believe that God has plans for his people? Absolutely! I believe with all my heart that God has good in store for those who seek him. Yet I am appalled at what we as the Church define as seeking him. We must listen to His word. We must turn from the World. I John 2:15-17. “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of is eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

As I look at the Church through the eyes of Christ, I see very little difference between the Church and the World. We dress with the same immodesty, we live the same self-absorbed lives and we do not seek Christ whole heartedly. There is no distinction. There MUST be a distinction. May those who love the LORD repent, may we turn to Him and seek Him with all our hearts. May we be the means to call our Church, our City, our Nation to repentance.

Forgive our apathy oh my King, forgive our lack of faith. May we hear Your voice, do not be silent in this time of need. Holy Spirit, anoint your people that we may live a life that honors you. Move among your people in this City that we many know the blessing of your presence.

Where is the Church?

2007-05-30T23:34:00.000-05:00

I am naive. I am entrenched in a Christian culture that has isolated me from the culture of my country. I have struggled to understand the promiscuity that I see in my clinic. 13 year old girls who are pregnant. 28 year old women who are grandmothers and raising the children of their children. I had an epiphany this last week. I had thought it was the younger generation reacting to fatherless homes, broken homes, the sexuality portrayed on TV. It is much deeper. It goes back generations. There is no morality. There is no shame associated with promiscuity, with sexually transmitted diseases. There is no shame in your children knowing your promiscuity. I understand why the choice to not be sexually active is not really a choice. It is not a choice that is validated by their role models, by parents. By parents!? The consequences of promiscuity is more than the physical diseases that bring people to my office. The emotional and spiritual consequences run far deeper and are not easily dismissed with a few pills and a shot. I must ask. Where is the Church? Where are those who will speak truth? Where are those who will speak love? Why is this not something that causes us to weep, to pray, to act? Are we so comfortable in our Sunday meetings and our American culture that we do not speak the truth? The role of the church is not to shame people, but to speak truth in love. Have we confused love with silence? How will they know they are sick when the symptoms of moral depravity are glorified by television, by our culture? How will they know that their longings will not be satisfied with what the World offers when the Church is indistinguishable from the World? When they do not see the Church? How will our culture change unless the Church weeps as Christ does? How will our culture change unless the Church gains a voice? How will our culture change unless the Church longs for Christ as a bride longs for her bridegroom? Forgive us for our silence. May my patients hear me speak words of truth, love and healing and not condemnation. May they see in me Jesus, Jesus that weeps for them, that longs to bring healing and restoration. Jesus who calls sin Sin. Jesus who made redemption possible.

Welcome to my Blog

2007-05-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

Greetings Friend! I am not sure what this will be to be perfectly honest. There are so many things that I want to express. I don't know if it will be a journal, a record of a spiritual journey, simply random comments on my day or perhaps a travel log. I anticipate that it will be a combination of all of the above. I trust that you will enjoy reading what is on my heart and mind.